Parenthood is demanding and constant. In our house we joke that we are ‘puppy training’—giving constant reminders, praise and treats when they get it right. When they get bigger it’s not much different but the challenges become more complex.

Parenting is hard enough without battling mental health challenges. The kids constantly push us to our limits. They test our patience, stress us out, and many times break our hearts. We can’t control them but still feel responsibility for their character and decisions. But how can we be good parents when we have our own struggles?

If your kids are driving you to panic attacks, or angry outbursts, or stress meltdowns… you are normal. If factors outside your home such as work, extended family relationships, or a global pandemic are putting pressure on your nerves… you are normal. If you are sorting through your internal workings such as your upbringing, or trauma, or health conditions… you are normal.

Truly, some people appear to have a handle on parenting, but everyone struggles in their own way. Nobody has a handbook on their kids, or on how to juggle all the aspects of their lives. Everyone has their own messes and stresses to deal with.

Here are some things that help me feel less 'messy':

1)     Simplify. I notice myself getting more stressed when my workload is more than my time or energy. I’d love to make elaborate meals, but it may be less stressful to toss frozen drumsticks and some veg in the instant pot. I’m learning how to be content with ‘good enough’. 

2)     Slow down. When I’m stressed I often ask myself “where’s the fire?” A lot of the pressure I feel is because I’m doing things too quickly or trying to do too much. When I take a look at my day, there are a lot of things that have to be done. But slowing down and relaxing my body can reduce stress and make me more productive in the long run.

3)     Take care of your own health. I’m always thinking about the kids first—their appointments, their meals, whether they’re drinking enough water or getting enough sleep. But I need to think about my needs too.

4)     Keep notes. I started a quick health journal to increase my awareness of my own health.  On a Google doc I write little notes on moods, symptoms, sleep habits, etc. This helps a lot when I’m talking to my health providers.

5)     Reduce self-soothing habits. I dream about spending my evening binge-watching Netflix and eating chips in peace. But it never feels as good as I would like. I end up feeling bloated and feeling like I have no productive time to myself. I try to limit the binging to once a week and focus on ‘self-care’ activities like taking a bath, going for a walk, doing yoga, reading a book or calling a girlfriend.

I know it feels like more work taking care of yourself as well as your kids. There is hardly enough time in the day. But it’s important. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. Take whatever steps you can to care for your body, mind and spirit.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need someone to talk to, I'm here to help. I can offer perspective and tools to help you through this season of your life.

Debbie Opoku, RP provides Psychotherapy for parents, children, couples and families in Barrie. To book an appointment you can click here to access our online booking software.

Photo credit: Eye for Ebony on Unsplash