We wish it was possible to wake up each day with a fresh start. But unfortunately some feelings take more work to overcome. With the right approach, it’s possible to start taming our runaway emotions and feeling more like the person we wish to be. 

Here are four steps to taming those emotions and regaining control of feelings that are overwhelming: 

Step 1: Name it—Before trying to get control, you have to know what the emotion is. Slow down, pay attention to what’s going on in your body. Is there tension? Is there anger? Sadness? If you don’t know what the emotion is, you won’t know how to deal with it. 

Step 2: Understand it—How old is this part of you? When did it start happening? How did you pick it up? There may be a lot of story or narrative behind our emotions. Once we know where it comes from we have better understanding of it. It also allows us to have more compassion towards ourselves—“ok it makes sense why I have that kind of emotions.” 

This is important because when we are upset at ourselves for having emotions, that’s when the emotions actually become deeper because we shove them down and they fester. That’s why it’s important to understand the emotion so we can have more compassion for it. 

Step 3: Validate it—Validating our emotions means affirming that it was okay to feel that way when we faced difficult circumstances. We can say to ourselves, “Ok at that point in my life, when this thing happened to me, that emotion actually made sense.” It means recognizing the emotions we try to push away are actually important parts of who we are--they have just gone too far. 

For example, anger is usually a response to injustice—if injustice has happened to me, there is a place for anger. It doesn’t mean that I want to respond with angry outbursts now, but I can affirm that there is a place and time for it. What used to be useful for me might not be useful now—that’s part of validating it. 

Step 4: Lead it—In this stage you can say to your emotion, “You are important part of me, but you are not all of me.” When you make that separation you can start leading it and bringing it to where it needs to go. Continuing our example of anger: If anger leads you, you may be aggressive or have outbursts. But if you lead anger and direct it appropriately you can become assertive. This can be a leadership quality and a source of strength in your life. 

These are the steps we hope to go through in therapy sessions. How can we name, understand and validate our emotions so that we can lead them into a better version of themselves for the future? 

At Lindsay Tsang & Associates we believe a fresh start is possible. If you would like to book with one of our therapists you can click here or call 705-300-0077.