Leading My Emotions

Emotions can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and even out of control at times. This is why many people instinctively suppress them, believing that if they ignore their feelings, they will somehow disappear. However, emotions that are ignored don’t simply vanish; they continue to influence our thoughts, behaviors, and reactions, often in ways we don’t recognize. The key to managing our emotions isn’t suppression—it’s leadership.

One of the core ideas in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is the concept of self-leadership. This approach suggests that our core self should take the lead in managing our emotions, rather than being ruled by them. Instead of letting emotions drive our decisions unchecked, we can approach them with curiosity and compassion, giving them space to be heard without allowing them to dictate our actions.

Developing Emotional Awareness

As therapists, we guide clients through a process of identifying emotions, understanding their roots, and determining their impact. This process involves asking key questions like:

• What is going on right now?
• How am I feeling about this situation?
• What belief is underlying this emotion?
• Is this belief entirely true, or is it an overgeneralization?

When we consistently practice this kind of reflection, we begin to recognize our emotions for what they are—messages from within us, not uncontrollable forces that dictate our actions.

A Personal Reflection on Leading Emotions

Imagine waking up in a fog of frustration. You go about your morning routine, but there’s an underlying tension that won’t go away. Many people push through their day, unaware of what’s fueling their mood. But a self-led approach means pausing to ask, What is at the heart of this feeling?

By taking a moment to reflect, we might recognize that our frustration stems from something as small as feeling that a situation is unfair—perhaps a partner is still asleep while we’re handling the morning responsibilities. But once we name it, we realize how irrational it sounds. The same situation happens in reverse all the time. By identifying the emotion, acknowledging the belief behind it, and challenging its validity, we can shift our emotional state and change our behavior.

This is how we reclaim control—not by suppressing our emotions, but by leading them.

Practical Steps for Emotional Leadership

1. Identify and Name Your Emotions – Instead of being swept away by emotions, pause and name them. Are you feeling resentful? Overwhelmed? Lonely? Naming emotions reduces their power over you.
2. Acknowledge the Story Behind the Emotion – Every emotion is tied to a belief. Ask yourself, What belief is fueling this feeling? Is it completely true, or does it need to be reexamined?
3. Challenge Automatic Reactions – When an emotion arises, resist the impulse to act immediately. Instead, reflect on whether your response is aligned with your values and goals.
4. Practice Self-Compassion – Rather than judging your emotions as good or bad, approach them with curiosity and understanding. They are signals, not threats.
5. Shift Your Behavior – Once you understand your emotions, you can choose a response that aligns with your best self. This could mean taking a deep breath, adjusting your perspective, or engaging in a positive action.

The ability to lead our emotions rather than be led by them is a skill that takes practice, but it is one of the most powerful tools we have for emotional resilience and personal growth. Instead of being afraid of our emotions, we can learn from them, guide them, and ultimately use them to strengthen our relationships and inner stability. By becoming the leader of our internal world, we create space for deeper self-awareness, stronger emotional regulation, and a more intentional, fulfilling life.

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This blog is a companion to our podcast Beyond the Session, brought to you by our team of registered psychotherapists in Barrie, ON. To listen to the full show, please CLICK HERE. If you'd like to book an appointment, please use THIS LINK.

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash