NEW LOOK, SAME TEAM
Blog Post
Is Shame Holding You Back?
Kathleen Tsang • Jul 01, 2020
Find out how you can get free
Maybe you feel like you made some wrong choices, or maybe you feel that there’s something wrong with you. Those feelings of shame and unworthiness can majorly hamper our personal growth and happiness in life.
In his Psychology Today article, John Amodeo writes that “Many of us are quietly plagued by a nagging sense being flawed or defective. We secretly believe that we’re a failure, which stifles our energy, cramps our freedom, and prevents us from being ourselves.” He describes this emotion as shame. But he also shares hope: by exposing these feelings of shame we can begin the process of breaking free. (Full article here)
Could shame be the reason you’re feeling stuck? Shame isn’t always the feeling of “I made a mistake”. Sometimes we don’t feel good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough. Shame makes us feel unworthy, unpopular, inadequate and unable.
Shame feelings can be so deep-rooted that they are hard to even notice. Here are some ways to identify shame in your life:
1) Unwillingness to try new things because you don’t feel you ‘could’ succeed
2) Obsession with appearances—makeup, fashion, etc.
3) Social media--spending way too much time comparing ourselves to others
4) Internet addiction—burying ourselves in video games or porn to numb real feelings
5) Social anxiety—feeling like you may say or do the wrong thing around other people
6) Avoiding friends or relatives because you feel you don’t meet their expectations
7) Defensiveness and anger—if you feel threatened you explode
8) ‘Workaholism’—your relationships aren’t great so you bury yourself in projects
9) Itchy feet—you keep quitting jobs and skipping town like you’re running from something
10) Dead end relationships—you keep dating people you don’t really like just to have someone
These feelings are uncomfortable to address, but it’s important to name shame in our life. Is it the kind of shame that makes you feel inadequate? Or is it regret from past mistakes? Whatever ‘type’ of shame is nagging you, by exposing it you can begin to get free.
We can be free from shame. There is hope. The first step is to acknowledge and expose the shame before we can begin to address it. Some shame feelings are situational, while others come from a lifetime of people telling us we can’t do better.
Getting free from shame isn’t always easy. We may need to apologize or attempt to mend some relationships. We may need to build boundaries or accountability. We may need to learn about our strengths and how to best use them in our job or relationships. Or, we may need to do some deep soul-searching to uproot shame that has plagued us our entire lives.
We believe it’s possible to repair, heal and become the person we were meant to be.
Photo credit: Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash
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