We are constantly battling boundaries both internally and externally. Small bad habits can create resentment, mistrust and drift. The good news is that even though issues seem huge, it’s often the little things that can help. A few proactive steps can build trust and improve communication, dramatically improving your relationship. 

It can be easy to take on the emotions of our partner. Internal boundaries involve recognizing that I’m trying to control my partner’s emotions. We want our partner to be happy, so if they are upset we try to fix things. 

We can give them space to experience their emotions and affirm the challenges they face. We can talk through things or agree to make adjustments. But it’s impossible to control our partner’s happiness. Knowing this can relieve a lot of our internal stress. 

Instead of holding onto issues passively so they explode, regular assertive communication between partners can release some pressure and build trust. 

1. Softened Start Up—Rather than using anger to address issues, a soft approach invites conversation rather than defensiveness. What is a gentle way to approach the subject? How can I remain gentle even if my partner doesn’t respond well? You could try adapting phrases like this: 

I feel _________ about _____________.. I need___________. 

2. Weekly Check-Ins—This habit can be so powerful. Rather than being passive, this gives a weekly opportunity to gently approach potential issues while recognizing strengths. Do these four steps: 

1) Share 3 things you admire about each other

2) Share 3 things that went well this week

3) Share any issues or concerns, taking time to affirm rather than jumping to solutions

4) Ask each other “How can I love you better next week?”

Internal Boundaries help us to control our own responses to issues while External Boundaries give us the opportunity to approach issues gently. 

If you need further support working through issues our team would love to help. You can book online or call our 24/7 receptionist at 705-300-0077.